Taking care of yourself

Taking care of yourself

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New parents dedicate their time and energy to the baby who relies on them for every aspect of their survival. 

But don’t forget yourselves. Many parents say that being a parent is the toughest job they ever had. Having your sleep interrupted every night for weeks and months can make your life really difficult. 

Set aside some time

It is a common complaint from new parents that they don’t have time to care for themselves. Life is quite different from when you were in the workforce and routines involved only you and your partner.  

Try to remind yourselves that as new parents you have a renewed set of needs, emotionally and physically. Being mindful of your own needs is part of adjusting to the many changes that have taken place since you have become parents. Don’t be too demanding on yourselves.  

To care for your baby you need to care for yourselves as a healthy you equals a healthy baby. Don’t put your own needs on the backburner as it can actually cause more problems when adjusting to your new life style. 

To be able to develop and enjoy your relationship with your baby requires a generally “okay“ state of mind.  

Self care

Self care means any activity that recharges us and keeps our energy and vitality going physically and mentally. 

If self-care has not been one of your greatest skills in the past and you are experiencing low mood or feeling anxious, you may need to have a chat with your GP or child health nurse. 

Discuss what you need with your partner or family and enjoy some activities of your choice, such as: 

  • walking around the block or go to the gym;  
  • catching up with a friend;  
  • getting a haircut, or visiting the beautician; or  
  • just having a long shower.  

You might like to put a list of some of these things where it will remind you to take time for yourself each day.   

Have a “calm-down” plan and practice it. If you feel angry, stressed out, annoyed or tearful, what can you do to calm yourself? Some ideas:

  • phone a friend or relative  
  • do deep breathing exercises  
  • run around the garden or whatever works for you 

Self care tips

Planning for a routine that ensures parental self-care is important in maintaining the family’s wellbeing.  

  • Share the load. Ask for help from your partner, family members or friends. 
  • Practice to stop and take time to think before rushing to the next task, you may notice you are hungry or in need of a rest  
  • Drinking eight glasses of fresh water each day – if you are dehydrated you will feel even more groggy and lethargic. 
  • Take cat naps when you can through the day – frequent mini-naps (5-30 minutes) or even a brief quiet time are really helpful for tired bodies. 
  • Keep some quick to prepare, healthy food in your fridge; for example, fruit, vegetables, cheese, or yoghurt.  
  • Try to grab a snack every couple of hours rather than skipping meals like breakfast and lunch. 
  • Keep up activities that you enjoy – listening to music, reading the news.  

 

Want to know more?

Beyond Blue – Emotional health and wellbeing 

The Raising Children Network – Looking after yourself  

Pregnancy, birth and baby – Being a parent 

The Women and Children Health Service have lots of resources to get help and support for parents. 

Formula feeding

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Infant formula is the safe alternative to breast milk for the first 12 months. 

Things to remember when formula feeding

  • Make up the feed correctly. Refer to instructions on the tin or go to the manufacturer’s website for more detailed information. Do not dilute or add extra powder.  
  • Bottles and teats come in a variety of shapes and sizes. There is no evidence that a particular shaped bottle or teat prevents wind or colic. Teats will flow at different rates and it will come down to personal preference. Unusual shaped bottles can be difficult to clean, so keep this in mind when you are choosing one.
  • Feed your baby in the same position as a breastfed baby – that is, cradle in your arms and alternate sides at each feed. This is important for the development of their eyesight.
  • Look at and talk to your baby while feeding. Having eye contact and smiling has a calming effect on your baby and will trigger positive chemicals in the brain and feel-good hormones. Babies may pause during the feed to ‘babble’ to you.  
  •  When feeding your new baby, remember to regularly burp them and to feed them slowly. The feed may take 20-40 minutes when babies are young and less time as they become more efficient at sucking. 
  • Try to give your baby enough milk at each feed to fill them up – rather than separate amounts of 20-30ml each time they cry. Small constant feeds mean the baby won’t experience hunger which may interfere with developing sleeping and feeding patterns. The amount they will take will increase as they get bigger. 

Out and about

The best way to transport infant formula is to take the cooled, boiled water and the infant formula in separate containers and mix them when needed.

If you are feeding your baby away from home, the prepared infant formula should be icy cold when leaving home and stored in an insulated baby bottle pack to keep it cold. It is fine to give your baby cold infant formula. 

To warm a feed you will need some warm water in which to place the bottle and always ensure that it is out of your baby’s reach. Do not take longer than 10 minutes to warm the bottle because bacteria multiply rapidly in warm infant formula and there is the potential to cause diarrhoea. 

Throw out infant formula stored in the refrigerator after 24 hours.  

Want to know more?

Raising Children Network – Newborn Nutrition: bottle feeding 

King Edward Memorial Hospital for Women – Formula feeding 

Frequently asked questions

If my baby has only had a few sucks from the bottle, can I keep it for later?

No, the contents of the bottle need to be used within an hour of being heated up. The bottle has been contaminated with the normal bugs in your babies mouth and they will continue to multiply. You need to throw the contents of the bottle away and start with a fresh bottle with the next feed. 

What is prop feeding?

Prop feeding is when the bottle and the baby are not held but propped up with pillows or other items. The milk may flow too quickly and cause the baby to splutter or choke. Babies fed in this way are also at greater risk of ear infections and leaving a bottle in their mouth will lead to tooth decay. Babies also miss out on the opportunity to connect with their carer.  

How long can I keep a tin or formula?

You need to use a tin within one month of opening it, regardless of the expiry date. 

We are going to be parents

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Pregnancy brings with it many emotions. Even if you planned pregnancy for a long time it can be a bit of shock. You are likely to be excited at first, then begin thinking of the big changes ahead.  

The reality will take a little time to get used to as you wonder about the future. It is normal during early pregnancy to feel fatigued and perhaps a little anxious when the hormones start to kick in. It’s a new stage in your life for everyone involved. Adjusting to these big changes takes time, so go easy on yourselves and get support if you need it.  

Who will care for mum-to-be and baby?

Your GP is your first contact to discuss the options. If you do not have a regular doctor, this is a good time to find one. Options may vary depending on where you live – you may need to travel to a bigger centre for the delivery.  

Your GP will be able to refer you to the hospital or an obstetrician. If there are medical conditions that need to be considered, they will pass on this information to the relevant care provider. 

It is important to register with the hospital or obstetrician as soon as you know you are pregnant so that your choices are not limited. 

The Choices App (available on The Raising Children Network) can be very helpful. It has a week to week guide showing pregnancy progress, with useful tips for partners and how they might be involved during the early stages.  

Once you have decided who is going to manage your care, there will be lots of tests to establish the health and wellbeing of mum-to-be and your developing baby. Your midwife or doctor will organise these tests. Being familiar with what will happen can lower any anxiety. More about monitoring and tests.  

For women who have not planned the pregnancy, there may be a level of anxiety about the few glasses of alcohol, cigarettes or prescribed or recreational drugs they may have had at the time of conception. Find out more about smoking, alcohol and drugs during pregnancy.  

Changes in relationships and lifestyle

There can be losses or changes in many relationships as you move from partners to parents. Pregnancy is a time for planning and preparing for your life changes and new role. 

There may be health changes and physical effects from pregnancy. An expectant mother may have less energy and capability to keep up with household management and chores which have previously been agreed on, so it may be useful to discuss changes in household tasks.  

“Nesting” may occur and mothers-to-be may feel the need to be at home and prepare for the baby a little earlier than planned.  

Some practical details to address:  
  • How long you plan to work during your pregnancy  
  • Parental leave and pay entitlements  
  • If returning to work, when and how many hours 
  • Child care options 

Allow enough time to work this out, but remain flexible. You may feel differently once the baby arrives and your lives and priorities change.  

Financial changes

Budgeting and managing on one income, even for a short period, can add financial pressure. Some useful budgeting tools can be found at Moneysmart. 

The arrival of new baby may put financial strain on the family.

Things you may need to budget for:  
  • Setting up nursery and other essential equipment
  • Clothing  
  • Hospital and medical costs   
  • Ongoing costs (such as nappies)  

Often, the working partner will feel worried about their role as a provider, so doing a little research together and finding out about available leave , tax and financial support is recommended.  

Helpful advice and support

There is no shortage of advice around pregnancy and how to care for your baby from family, friends and experts.  

While the internet has enabled us to have access to information at our fingertips, research is telling us that sometimes we want to talk to a real person who has had recent first-hand experience.  

Our own family might help, but many of us are geographically isolated from our families. Talking with friend or meeting up with other parents at workshops or early parenting groups can be helpful.  

Everybody has different feelings and expectations about parenthood. These may be influenced positively or negatively by your own experience of growing up in a family. Sometimes parents choose to parent differently to their own parents and this can sometimes create tension in families.  

Talk to each other, talk to your family, and talk to your friends about your plans for parenting and seek their support.  

Emotional health  

It’s important to care for your emotional health during pregnancy and early parenthood as well as eating well, maintaining a healthy weight gain and getting enough sleep and exercise.

Many parents, both women and men, suffer postnatal depression or anxiety. It is wise to know the signs and symptoms so that you can seek help if you feel concerned. 

If you have had depression, anxiety or other mental illness in the past, you may be at higher risk. Being aware of your history, and making a plan with your GP for getting help is important.  

If you are experiencing family and domestic violence, or if you or your unborn baby are being exposed to harm, you can get help. Further support can be found at Child Protection and Family Support or at Reachout.com  

Want to know more?

Raising Children Network – Week by week guide to pregnancy

Beyond Blue – New fathers and Pregnancy and new parents 

Women and Newborn Health Service – Becoming a parent  

The Raising Children Network – Antenatal depression and postnatal depression in women 

PANDA – Post and Antenatal Depression Association 

Food glorious food

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Introducing your child to healthy food is a journey of learning together. It is not just about getting the food from spoon to tummy. Think about how you can set the environment so you and your child can make the most of this time. 

Don’t worry about the possible mess. Have picnics outside, let children get food on their face, and don’t wipe excessively. Let other family members know it is okay for your toddler to pick food up with fingers – there is plenty of time for table manners later! 

Food is fun!

Your child can also learn a lot about food and eating by watching what you do at mealtimes. For example, enjoying a pleasant and happy mealtime with the family promotes a positive attitude to eating. Eating with the rest of the family also helps younger children learn to eat the same healthy food and try new foods, like everyone else. 

Toddlers need a wide variety of healthy foods. Suggested daily serves are: ½-1 serve of fruit; 2-3 serves of vegetables; 1-1½ serves of dairy; 4 serves of grains; and 1 serve of protein (lean meats, eggs, and legumes). 

You decide what your child eats from the five food groups. Your child decides whether to eat and how much.

Your toddler’s appetite

We sometimes have unrealistic ideas about how much a toddler should eat. Toddlers have small tummies and appetites. They need small, regular meals and snacks. Three small meals and two or three healthy snacks per day are enough for most toddlers.  

At this age, toddler appetites vary from day to day. Think about what your toddler eats across a week, rather than daily. Remember that toddlers seem to eat less because they eat small amounts frequently to meet their energy needs. 

Children grow less in the second year of life. In the first 12 months, babies grow very fast. As toddlers aren’t growing as quickly, their appetite often drops.

This is normal and does not mean your child is being difficult or is unwell – they just aren’t as hungry because they aren’t growing as quickly!  

Children are good at knowing when they are hungry and when they are full. They can easily lose this skill if they are pushed to eat more than they want to or are forced to finish everything on their plate. 

Don’t forget that water is the cheapest and the best drink with meals. Refer to the NHMRC Healthy Eating Guide). 

What you can do

  • Offer small serves. Let them ask for more.  
  • Remove any uneaten food without commenting. Assume that your toddler has had enough to eat.  
  • Try to ignore fads, be patient and continue to offer a variety of foods. Many toddlers have times when they only want to eat particular foods – this is normal and won’t last forever.  
  • Avoid using food rewards, bribes and punishment – these teach a child to dislike certain foods and to use food as a means of control. 
  • The less fuss you make about food the better. 

Dental care

Don’t forget to care for their teeth. Tooth decay is common in toddlers who suck on or fall asleep with bottles of milk, cordial or juice.  

To prevent tooth decay: 
  • Wean your toddler from the bottle if they are still using one. Encourage your toddler to drink from a cup.  
  • Give your child tap water to drink. Tap water contains fluoride, which helps to protect teeth from decay.  
  • As soon as teeth appear, clean them with a soft cloth or small soft brush.
  • From 18 months you can start to use a small amount of low fluoride or children’s toothpaste to brush your child’s teeth. 

Want to know more?

The Raising Children Network – Nutrition and fitness articles 

Nutrition Australia – Children nutrition 

Healthy Kids Association – Food and nutrition 

Food preferences and personality

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Children, like adults, are attracted to certain textures, flavours and presentation. Appetite is a personal and innately well-controlled mechanism in young children.  

Remember, the toddler years are all about:  

  • exploration and finding out who they are;  
  • discovering what they like and don’t like; and 
  • seeing how much influence they have over their environment.  

Temperament and food choices

Consider your child’s temperament for a moment. Do they:  

  • like lots of rough and tumble, tickling and noise?  
  • hang back and consider new environments before jumping in and having a go?
  • like things ‘just so’ and predictable events and order in the day?  
  • hate scratchy clothes and labels and new bedding, clothes and shoes?  
  • love to get their hands in the mud, or can’t wait to take their shoes off, and enjoy chaos?  

Not surprisingly, these adorable traits our children are developing will in some way be expressed in their food choices: textures, flavours, presentation and how they eat.

It is not necessarily predictable, but as you get to know and understand your child (which will take years!), it seems reasonable to indulge some of your child’s strong preferences around food. 

Common food preferences

Here are a few preferences to consider and some ideas to manage them.

Compare notes with other parents to check out what successful approaches they have come up with. 

‘Drinking’ their food
  • Raw juice: fruit and vegetable blends  
  • Shakes: milks (cows, goats, coconut, nut milks)  
  • Smoothies: mix a milk base with a variety of fruits  
  • Soup: homemade from weekend roast bones stock, chunky or pureed.  
  • Slushies: frozen/fresh fruit blended with ice chips  
  • Custards: homemade egg custard  
  • Yoghurt drinks: fruit or plain, thinned with milk  
Strong flavours and casseroles  
  • Bolognaise sauce combining five vegetables: cook down then puree with tomatoes, capsicum, zucchini, celery before adding mince
  • Slow cook one-pot meals with variety of vegetables  
  • Gravies, soups and sauces with quality stock  
  • Homemade tomato sauce or ketchup where you can add more vegetables
  • Use natural flavours: garlic, herbs, spices, chilli, curry, strong cheeses, mushrooms 
Crunchy or crispy food
  • Raw vegetables with dips  
  • Toast breads that are sliced very thinly  
  • Oven toast vegetable ‘shavings’
  • Homemade potato wedges coated in spice mix and oven roasted  
  • Homemade popcorn
  • Dry quality cereal mixed with nuts and seeds (watch out for choking hazards and allergies) 
Sweet foods
  • Homemade cakes like carrot cake and use other novel vegetables and fruit in the recipe 
  • Homemade biscuits made with oat flour, golden syrup or honey
  • Homemade icecream
  • Homemade jam: just stew down some berries, will not need added sugar  
  • Homemade egg custard with fruit 
  • Frozen mashed overripe bananas (naturally very sweet)  
  • Pikelets made with an extra egg for more nutrition  

Keep it simple

Parents often feel stumped when it comes to thinking up recipes and combinations of food in the toddler years.

In truth, it is more straightforward, economic and better received if we serve simple food.  

Eating food from your plate (or someone else’s!)

You may find that toddlers will like to eat food off your plate.  

Food is a lot about trust and association. If it’s okay for you to eat it, your child figures it should be good for them too!

The mental connections toddlers make when they sneak a green bean off your plate soon after they tipped their serve on the floor may be hard to understand, but if they eat it, celebrate!

It may be frustrating at the time, but it makes survival sense for your toddler.  

Want to know more? 

The Raising Children Network – Toddler nutrition: mealtime 

Healthy Kids Association – Food and nutrition 

Foods for toddlers

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For toddlers, nutritional intake and amount is measured over weeks rather than days, quite different to the more predictable adult eating patterns with which we are familiar. The following recommended range and quantity of foods will not necessarily be achievable every day.

Recommended food intake for toddlers

Carbohydrates and starches: 3 to 5 serves

For example: bread, pasta, rice, potato, noodles, oats, cereal, pikelets  

Fruit and vegetables: 2 to 4 serves  

For example: Raw, steamed, dried, stewed, pureed, mashed 

Protein: 2 to 4 serves

For example: red meat, white meat (chicken, turkey), fish, beans, lentils, eggs, nuts 

Dairy: 2 to 3 serves

For example: cheese, yoghurt, cream, butter (cow, sheep or goat) 

Drinks

Water, milk

Additional foods (small quantities)

For example: sauces, mayonnaise, oils

Toddler growth  

A toddler‘s growth at this stage is characterized by a lengthening of limbs, torso and increase in head circumference. Body weight is effectively ‘re-distributed‘.

This dramatically changes their body shape from compact and ‘chubby‘ to a more defined shape for arms, legs and tummy which can be alarming to some to see ribs clearly for the first time! 

This is a normal alteration in the rate of growth from the first year in which weight triples, contrasting with the next two years where weight may only increase by about four kilos. 

Developmental factors

The following factors influence a toddler’s relationship with food at this time:  

  • Curiosity about their environment – they are discovering and exercising independence and control over their environment.  
  • Attention span is brief  
  • Experimenting with saying ‘NO!‘  
  • Repetition and experimentation is a strong drive which translates as periodic ‘obsession‘ or preference with certain foods, colours, shapes and particular bowl or cup.  
  • Childhood illnesses can affect appetite and memory of foods they associate with the incident (e.g.: gastro episode tied to the last thing they ate – milk) and can influence future rejection.  
  • Novel situations and new people are treated with suspicion or cautiousness – this goes for new, unfamiliar food too.  
  • Moods and tiredness can strongly affect desire for food, either for more or for less, and can precipitate tantrums.  

Five reasons to choose nutritious foods  

1. Brain growth 

The brain is growing intensively at this time. It will triple in size between birth and three years of age.  

2. Additives and behaviour 

Certain processed and poor quality foods loaded with additives have the potential to cause negative behavioural effects in your child.

3. Development of taste preferences 

Tastes and preferences for certain foods are laid down in early childhood. If we cultivate a taste for high sugar, salt and artificial flavours, it is very likely to become a habit retained in adulthood.  

4. Role modelling healthy food choices 

By providing and eating these foods yourself, parents demonstrate strong role modelling with good food choices. Your child learns 90% from deeds and doing, not verbal instruction – “do as I do, not as I say”.  

5. Building strong health foundations 

Health effects from nutrient poor food or highly processed foods are not necessarily immediate but have longer term effects. By making good food choices at least 80% of the time, you build strong health foundations for the future. It is not just about the number of calories, it‘s about the quality of the food you eat.  

Nutrient dense food

The foods in the table below have high levels of nutrients compared to the number of calories they contain. For example, an egg has protein, fats, Vitamin A, B Vitamins, iron, phosphorous and selenium, all for 70 calories.  

Fruit
Vegetables
Protein
Carbohydrates
Fats
apples asparagus eggs oats butter
bananas broccoli yoghurt (plain) seeds coconut milk
blueberries cauliflower milk brown rice ghee
cranberries cabbage cheeses chickpeas olive oil
figs capsicums beef chia fish oil
kiwifruit onions chicken cocoa cream
lemons fennel liver potatoes flaxseed oil
garlic shellfish egg pasta nut oils
mushrooms fish nut flours cocoa butter
herbs lamb    
sweet potato lentils/legumes
tomatoes  

Nutrient poor food

The foods in the table below offer a lot of calories for poor return on nutrients—or even a negative effect from consuming it. For example, a snack of a donut and a can of cola is full of refined flours, sugars and trans fats, which provide a lot of calories (450) but contain no minerals or vitamins. The body feels full but is still craving nutrients that have been refined out.  
Starches  
Sugars
Processed snacks
Drinks/additives  
white flour   white sugar   frozen pizza   cordials  
packet biscuits   corn syrup   most sausages   energy drinks  
instant noodles   lollies   processed meats   sodas  
pasta   icecream   processed cheeses   colas  
donuts   jams   packet soups fruit drinks  
processed cereals  glucose   sauces   syrups  
chips and crackers flavoured milks  
cakes ‘diet‘ drinks

 

Quick guide

Want to know more? 

The Raising Children Network – Toddler nutrition: mealtime 

Healthy Kids Association – Food & nutrition

Coming home with baby number 2 or 3 or 4!

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The arrival of a new baby is an exciting time for the whole family and established routines can often go out the window. From the first days at home, toddlers need to be encouraged and shown how to be gentle as they get to know their brother or sister.  

Having friends and family help with cooking meals, hanging out the washing or doing some ironing can be great and online grocery shopping has been a blessing for many new parents. For mums, the shock of having more than one child may not sink in until their partner has returned to work and the relatives and friends have gone home. 

While it’s great for friends and family to spend extra time with your existing child/children while you’re with the baby, be mindful that your child/children will still want one-on-one time with you.  

Keeping a predictable routine going for your child/children can be beneficial in keeping them calm and letting them know that all is well in their world. It may be difficult to do, especially if the new baby is a little fussy, but avoiding big routine changes around birth and the 6-8 week period after birth can help reassure your toddler that everything is ok. Toddlers like the routines and sticking to yours may make life easier for you as well. 

Encouraging dads to do activities with their toddler can be rewarding and lots of fun for both of them. Giving individual attention to the older child will help to reduce feelings of jealousy and reduce the need to compete with the baby.  

Toddlers often find their new sibling a bit boring- all they do is sleep, feed, cry and need their nappy changed. It is some time before they are interesting playmates. Younger toddlers might not be able to verbalise their feelings, and their behaviour might regress. Your toddler might want a bottle or a dummy, or want to be carried or dressed by you. Parents should offer encouragement and praise the good behaviour but ignore the regression. 

Just remember that it won’t be long until they are all playing together happily.  

Want to know more? 

The Raising Children Network – New baby: Helping toddlers and preschoolers adjust 

Supporting and guiding your pre-teen

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Before entering the teen years, children are beginning to test boundaries and are becoming more social. Peer influence starts to play a bigger role in their lives and they can be influenced in both positive and negative ways.  

Supporting and guiding your child

Children may be starting to gain a sense of independence; they need support and guidance through this time to assist developing positive behaviours. Parents have a role in ensuring that there are clear boundaries and rules in place to follow. 

During the final years of primary school, preparation will be needed in transitioning schools and peer groups, and entering the teen years.  

Children will be starting to develop their own point of view as an individual but will be influenced by teachers, parents, peers and extended family. They will look for guidance in developing their identity, especially from parents.  

Family communication, rules and consequences

Having clear communication and rules in the family home will assist children to develop appropriate behaviours and relationships with people and the world around them.  

Some themes that may help with this age group include: 

  • Having clear rules and limits with appropriate (and consistent) consequences. 
  • Having clear and open communication.  
  • Providing praise and positive reinforcement for appropriate decisions and behaviour. 
  • Having realistic expectations of the young person. 
  • Be a positive role model. 
  • Choosing your battles i.e. “Does it really matter? Is it really worth it?” 
  • Be firm and consistent in enforcing house and family rules. 
  • Be available to connect with them. 

Want to know more?

Reachout.com 

Headspace 

The Raising Children Network – Pre-teens behaviour 

Teen behaviour

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The teenage years (adolescence) are a time of profound change for young people emotionally, psychologically and physically. It is when they are trying to establish their independence and identity.   

During this time they can often challenge authority and rules to develop their own sense of self.  

Your teen’s relationships

Relationships become particularly important as they attempt to fit into their own peer group and navigate changes that are taking place. 

Adolescents can present with a number of behaviours which appear challenging and can give rise to conflict in families, at school or in interpersonal relationships.  

Making decisions and taking risks

The part of the brain that supports decision making is still developing in teens. As a result, impulsiveness and not considering consequences can give rise to a number of risk-taking activities, including experimenting with alcohol and drugs, sexual activity, staying out late, and other behaviours.  

Whilst it is natural to worry about these behaviours, it is a normal part of adolescent development to take risks and challenge boundaries and rules.  

Ways to reduce conflict and risk

There are some things that you can do to reduce conflict and the risk of these behaviours becoming dangerous or causing negative impact to a young persons’ wellbeing.

Some suggestions are: 

  • Try to keep an open line of communication with your teenager without judging their individuality. If you do, they will be more likely to discuss their problems and experiences.
  • Remember, they are developing their own identity so it is natural for them to disagree with your point of view and to develop their own ideas. 
  • Negotiate rules and consequences with young people. Boundaries are still important and young people will respect you for it. 
  • Be a parent, not a friend. At the end of the day you are still responsible for your teenager as the adult. 
  • Remember that young people are often impulsive so discuss actions and decisions. 
  • Don’t try to impose your will unnecessarily as this is only likely to inflame conflict. Be firm and consistent with house rules and consequences. 
  • Respect their individuality – every child is different. 
  • Be available to connect with them.  

Want to know more? 

Reachout.com 

Headspace 

The Raising Children Network – Teens behaviour 

Transition to school – tips for a smooth ride

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Starting school can be a very exciting time for you and your child. It is a big change for the family and everyone reacts differently.

It’s normal to feel worried or sad, but important to encourage being excited and positive too. 

The transition to school needs to start well before the first day and continues during the early days, weeks and even months. 

Getting to school

The journey to school can be long, short, in the car, by foot or bicycle – this in itself is a transition. Some children will get tearful or fearful, others so excited they are ready hours before!

To help prepare your child for this transition, spend some days prior to the start of term having a dry run of this journey. Talk along the way about the places you pass, road safety and crossings and who will pick them up and when.  

Talk about what you will be doing when they are at school and what is planned on the way home, like a trip to the shops or park and what is for tea. This will give them something to focus on if they are nervous and anxious about what is happening next.  

After a few trips along the route, the first day at school will feel more familiar when they are used to how they get there. 

The practical stuff

Dressing and undressing

Kindy and pre-primary teachers spend a lot of time helping children with clothing and footwear! Has your child practiced getting dressed and undressed? Putting shoes on and off – zipping up bags and tying their hats? All these things we often do to ‘hurry’ them up but when they are on their own these skills may not be practised enough for them to do by themselves.  

Dress your child for success, ensuring pants are easy to pull up and down and don’t have difficult zips and buttons. It would be worth doing some practice days of wearing the school uniform to iron out any issues – and label everything! 

Toileting 

It can be off-putting or scary for a child to use unfamiliar toilets. They are going to be different from ones at home: low seats, low doors, different toilet paper and noisy if someone is in the next cubicle.

Some children will hold on until they get home – or worse hold on until it is too late. If possible, make sure your child has used the school toilet facilities before they start, so they are used to them. 

Meal times and snacks

The school day is broken up by break time and lunch time. Find out when these times are so that you can practice at home with your pre-schooler to have morning tea and lunch at the same times and help them open and close their lunch box. Get to know which foods are going to travel well and sit in the classroom. 

Common issues
  • Too much food being sent in the lunch box or unable to finish it all in time. 
  • The food needs a spoon to eat it and it’s not in the lunchbox.
  • Children find it hard to open the packaging or their drink bottle and has to wait for a teacher to help them. 
  • The food goes soggy or gets hot and unappetising by lunchtime.
  • Children might lose their appetite when embarking on a new experience like starting school, so they may not eat at all during the day. 
  • Children find the ‘sweet treat’ the most attractive thing in the lunch box and fail to eat the rest! If that happens every day, save the treat for after school. 
Helpful tips and suggestions
  • Make time in the morning routine for a good breakfast, such as egg on toast, or porridge and fruit. If time is tight, make a smoothie with blended milk and wheat biscuits; sneak in some fruit, like banana, if you can. 
  • Prepare the lunch box the night before. If possible, encourage your child to help you so they know what’s in there.  
  • Sandwiches are the norm but may become soggy and fall apart by lunch. Try putting an assortment of items in a compartment box (a small tackle box is good), things like cooked pasta, grapes, cheese cubes, cherry tomatoes, or olives. Children often like food that is not all mixed together so they can see what they are eating.  
  • If your child is overwhelmed with the new routine and lose their appetite at school, but are hungry afterwards, have a healthy snack box in the car or for the walk home to keep them going.  
  • This may already be your pattern, but you may need to move dinner time forward to 4.30pm or 5.00pm to accommodate hungry children. 

New routines 

Even if your child has been to an early learning service (childcare), do not assume that the transition to school will be easy for them. More independence will be expected of them, there will be more ‘rules’ to remember, the teacher to child ratio is different, and the environment is all new.  

A good, predictable morning routine will help your child to predict the day, recall what they need to do and sets the day off to strong positive start. 

Being prepared and taking into account new routines for meal times and bed times is an important step to managing a smooth transition.

Changes in behaviour

It is normal for behaviour to change during this time of transition. Even as parents, we are adjusting to our child moving to a new milestone – we might feel more anxious than them! However, if parents show their own anxiety and worry, it can rub off onto the child and make them feel more panicked.  

When children are worried or anxious they sometimes act out by a change in behaviour rather than verbally explaining how they feel.  Angry outbursts, going backwards with skills you thought they had mastered, or sleep disturbance are all common ways children express hesitancy or anxiety about change in their life.  

Think back to other circumstances, like a new baby coming into the family, loss of a pet, or moving house. Your child may have specific coping strategies, which may not include telling you verbally what is worrying them.  

Talking about school

Talk regularly to your child about school, though perhaps not straight after school when they are likely to be tired or hungry. When you are aware of your child’s feelings it will help you to spot problems before they get too big.  

Try asking to ask specific or open questions that encourage more than a “yes” or “no” answer. They might start with ‘who’ , or ‘what’, rather than ‘did you’.

Sometimes parents are eager to hear about their child’s day and become frustrated when they ask “What did you do today?” or “How was your day?”, only to be given one word answers.  

A way of starting a conversation might be to ask your child to tell you about the best thing and worst thing that happened to them in the day. This can be part of the dinner routine, with the whole family sharing their day’s best and worst things, and is a nice way to hear about your child’s day. 

If you are concerned

Time and reassurance are often the keys, along with patience and trust that it will eventually work out.

If you feel your child is expressing concerns or having difficulties at school, arrange a time to talk with their teacher.  

Want to know more?

Kidsmatter – Starting school: further resources 

Raising Children Network – School age play and learning: school 

Early Childhood Australia – First year at school resource 

WA Department of Education – School life