Responsive settling is recognising that your baby needs help and sensitively responding.
Sleep is complex and follows a normal developmental course similar to the way your baby develops the ability to walk and talk. The maturation of your baby’s sleeping and waking cycles are one of their most important developmental tasks. Like most of their development it occurs gradually over the first year of life.
How do I know if my baby is tired?
A tired baby may:
- close their fists
- rub their eyes
- use jerky arm and leg movements
- yawn
- have a worried facial expression
- arch backwards
- have difficulty focusing or go cross-eyed
- suck fingers as a way of self-soothing to sleep
A tired, older baby, may:
- have any of the above signs of tiredness
- pull at ears
- have clumsy behaviour
- have clingy behaviour
- need or demand more attention
- be fussy while feeding and eating
Overtired babies are more difficult to get to sleep. As a general guide:
- Newborns to 3-month-old babies are likely to be overtired after 1 to 1.5 hours of awake time
- A 3 – 6-month-old baby will be overtired after 1.5 to 2 hours of awake time
- A 6 – 12-month-old baby will be overtired after 2 to 3 hours of awake time
The average sleep by age guide is a guide to the amount of sleep a baby may have in a 24-hour period.
You can keep a track of your child’s sleep and feeding cycles, and monitor any changes, by using a sleep/feed diary.
A guide to common sleep cycles and patterns may help you to understand what the normal range looks like.
Circadian rhythms
In the first 4 weeks after birth your baby’s 24-hour day night rhythms are developing. At first your baby doesn’t follow a day night pattern and will feed and sleep 2-4 hourly day and night. After 4 weeks your baby will begin to sleep more at night, however, Circadian rhythms may take up to 4 months to develop.
You can help synchronize their day night rhythm by:
- Providing natural daylight during the day outside and inside the house
- Develop a flexible and predictable day and night routine
- Have a consistent bedtime routine
- Keep lights dim at night and use lights that have a yellow glow
- Avoid the use of blue lights at night such as smart phones, tablets, television, computers and game consoles
- Ensure daytime feeds are social times
Your baby’s sleep – what’s normal
- Your newborn baby spends about 16 hours in sleep each day (the range of “normal sleep” is 9 – 20 hours)
- This is spread in 5 – 6 episodes around the clock
- From newborn to 6 weeks your baby has regularly occurring periods of sleep of 2 – 4 hours
- At 6 weeks to 3 months your baby may be able to stay asleep for one 4 – 6 hours stretch, once a night
- At 3 – 6 months your baby may be able to stay asleep for one 5 – 6 hours stretch, once a night
- At 6 – 12 months your baby may be able to stay asleep for a 6-hour stretch, twice a night
- Your baby will have 2 – 3 day-time naps until 6 – 9 months (approximately 3 – 4 hours in total throughout the day)
Bedtime routines
- A quiet, soothing bedtime routine helps your baby get a good sleep
- The routine needs to be consistent, easy and familiar both day and night
- Depending on the age of your baby the routine should take no longer than 30 minutes (or shorter for young babies)
- Avoid stimulating activities prior to sleep
- Use a soft, low voice to read stories from real books and sing songs
- Give plenty of calm loving cuddles and a goodnight kiss
- Soothing bath at the end of the day before the long night-time sleep
- Avoid the use of smart phones, tablets, TV game consoles and fluorescent lights as these are very stimulating and prevent the onset of sleep
- Swaddling/wrapping helps to settle your baby (until your baby is starting to show signs of beginning to rollover, usually around 4 months of age)
- Wrap your baby firmly but comfortably in a soft cotton wrap
- Make sure their arms are flexed against their chest in the wrap
- Leave room in the wrap so their legs can bend at the hips with knees apart
- Keep your baby’s head uncovered
- Avoid over-dressing your baby
- Stop wrapping when your baby is starting to show signs of beginning to roll over, usually around 4 months of age
- Your baby might like their hands uncovered, once unswaddled so they can put them to their mouth to soothe themselves
Ways to settle your baby
The following techniques are a guide to help you choose a way to settle your baby by their age of sleep development.
Soothing in Arms
- Hold your baby in your arms until he/she falls asleep.
- Use gentle rhythmic patting, rocking, stroking, talking, or softly singing before putting your baby into the cot asleep. These repetitions signal relaxation and sleep
- If your baby wakes after a sleep cycle you may need to re-settle using all the strategies listed above.
Hands-on Settling
- Talk quietly and cuddle your baby to help calm and relax.
- Put your drowsy baby on his/her back in the cot.
- Comfort your baby with gentle ‘ssshhh’ sounds, gentle rhythmic patting, rocking, or stroking until baby is calm or nearly asleep. You could also try patting the mattress.
- If your baby starts to fuss loudly pick your baby up for a cuddle until calm or asleep before putting baby back in the cot.
- Stay with your baby until he/she is nearly asleep.
- Repeat comforting in the cot until asleep.
- Your baby may need a few ‘pick ups’ to sooth enough to go back to their cot. Try to balance not over stimulating them with too many pickups.
- Leave the room when baby is asleep.
Comfort settling
Comfort settling provides reassurance and support while also providing an opportunity for babies to discover their own way of going to sleep.
Begin with Hands-on Settling steps 1-3
As your baby calms, move away from the cot or leave the room
- If your baby starts to become distressed, immediately return and comfort your baby using step 3 before moving away or leaving the room again.
- You may have to repeat this several times before your baby is able to settle to sleep.
- If your baby still does not settle stay with your baby and use repetitious soothing and comforting strategies until calm. You can always pick your baby up to calm them enough to go back into their cot.
- Leave the room when baby is calm or drowsy.
- Some babies may need you to stay in the room until they fall asleep.
As your baby gains the ability to self-settle, it will take less time for you to settle your baby.
Parental presence
You may prefer this option if your baby has never been separated from you at sleep time.
Begin with hands-on settling steps 1 – 3
- Once your baby is calm and drowsy, lie down or sit beside the cot within sight of your baby and pretend to be asleep.
- If your baby remains wakeful, give a. little cough or quietly say ‘ssshhh time to sleep’ so your baby knows you are still in the room.
- If your child becomes distressed use calm, repetitious strategies to soothe; try not to pick your baby up; then lie or sit beside the cot.
- You may have to repeat this several times before your child is able to calm, relax to a drowsy state and fall asleep.
- Stay in the room until your child is asleep during the day and sleep in the same room as your child during the night. Continue this for at least 1 week or until your child has 3 nights in a row of relatively uninterrupted sleep. You can now begin to leave the room before your child is asleep.
All babies take time to develop the ability to self-settle. With your help and patience, you can sensitively support each stage of your baby’s sleep development. If you and your baby are having some difficulties with sleep and settling, it’s best if you use the same settling techniques appropriate to your baby’s ability every time you put your baby to bed. Remember change takes time. If you and your baby are having a difficult and exhausting time, make sure you ask for help from family, friends, your child health nurse, your local doctor, or contact the Ngala Parenting Line on 08 9368 9368.
If you still have questions, contact our Parenting Line